Tribulations of a coach/ consultant

Persistence and sustainability in Change

2010-03-09T18:55:00.000-08:00

Hello, today I'd like to write about Persistance and Sustainability in Change.

My questions are:

Once we have achieved our goals, how do we ensure their sustainability? In an organisational transition, once we have brought the people through Ending, Neutral zone and new beginnings, how do we make sure that the change sticks?

A personal example: I have been yo-yo dieting all my life. I am of fairly small build and my heaviest weight was about 70 kilos and my lightest weight was 45 kilos!

My ideal weight is 52-54 kilos (I am now at 59).

Last time I reached - and maintained 52 kilos, I kept my weight there for about 2-3 years and then the weight started creeping up.

Some personal tips for sustainability?
1- make sure that the goal is a real goal (aligned to our vision, mission) and we have buy-in and invested interest to maintain it. This process needs to be constantly monitored and updated as required. At an organisational level, once the change has been completed, it is important to continuously monitor user/client acceptance and satisfaction. Also consider including incentives to keep the motivation going!

2- I had personal reminders and upper limits. Once I reached 54 kg or so, I would pay watch my food intake and do more exercise
At an organisational level, use the customer/user barometer listed above and deal with each warning sign appropriately.

3- I would have a support mechanism (friends, photos etc.) to remind me how well I feel about my weight.
At an organisational level, maintain a customer support centre even after the change program is completed to deal with any enquiry, questions, challenges that come up.

Then another change takes over and we start the cycle again!

It's all a mind's game!

2010-02-24T21:51:00.000-08:00

My last post was about lifting our game... In the few weeks since I wrote this message, I was thrown in the deep end and was tested: "How much do you want this?" life seemed to say to me...

After numerous rejections, silent treatments to my various attempts at marketing my services, I have come to realize that it's all a mind's game! I used to take rejections, failures etc. personally and thought that it meant that I did not have the skills or was not the right person etc. That used to bring me down and into the downward spiral. NO MORE!

As we've learnt in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), it's all about reframing. So, each time something does not turn out the way I expected, I no longer take it personally! When my mind reminds me of things that I did not do so well, I immediately ask for something that I did exceptionally well! In the beginning, my mind was struggling to find things... So... I reminded myself of things that I took for granted. For example, moving and settling a family in Australia, giving birth to 2 beautiful children, being alive and breathing! I did (and still do) these things exceptionally well!

Let's remember that it's all in the mind... and we have a choice as to how we interpret life! Might as well interpret it positively and to our favour!

Lifting our game

2010-01-27T16:09:00.000-08:00

Hi,

Today's post is about Lifting our game.

Marianne Williamson wrote in `A return to Love':
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves:
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all mean to shine, like children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I have also recently been watching this great blog from Anthony Robbins:
http://tonyrobbinstraining.com/468/new-year-new-life-2/

So, in a nutshell, it's time to lift our games! Living within our comfort zone or playing small does NOT serve anyone, especially not us.

Tony Robbins gives great tools on how to do that.

Other ways that I have come across recently are to create vision boards, linked with uplifting music (I have my vision board on my desktop).

So, let's say goodbye to comfort zone and let's all stretch ourselves and lift our game!

Black and White or Shades of Grey

2009-11-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

The topic for this post came to me after a discussion with a close friend of mine whose parents are separating after 33 years together.

Through my conversations with my friends, I was reminded of the importance of Open Communication within any relationship.

We all know this concept and yet, do we exactly know how to do it?

Are we aware of the Various love languages as Gary Chapman describes in "Five Love Languages"?

Are we aware of the importance of maintaining the Emotional Bank Account in the positive? As my mother in law said to me on my wedding day, do not go to sleep angry at each other... Sometimes, it is easier said than done... Yeah, yeah, how about him? Why doesnt HE speak up?

That leads me to the topic of the day: Black and White or Shades of Grey?

I often notice myself (and others) going through life making sense of things and categorising them in boxes... "This remark meant that he was judging me", "This refusal meant that they do not like my work and will never work with me..."...

What if there was some shade of grey in everything?

What if he was actually talking about someone else when he made that remark?
What if they really liked your work, but because of other constraints, they are unable to work with you this time?

We are usually so quick at interpreting things and making sense of them that we sometimes forget that there may be some shades of grey.

Time is our biggest enemy... or is it?

2009-11-12T12:22:00.000-08:00

Hi,

In recent discussions, I've been reminded that what people consider as their biggest enemy is Time.

Business owners would do so much more if they had time... Stay at home parents would do more if they had time... I would do much more if I had time...

Hang on... Is this true? It does appear true and does everyone not have 24 hours in a day? I am not suggesting for us to only sleep 4/5 hours / day as some people do. I know I am unable to do this.

Now, let's look at this in terms of priority: If my top top top top priority was to earn more income so that my family can be fed and have a roof on our heads, then I would find the time to go out and market and make sure that I get those clients and revenue.
If I realised that one of my top priorities is healthy relationship and communication with my husband in despite of the every day life (children drop-off, cooking, cleaning etc.), I would find the time to do so.
If I realised that the only way for me to maintain some sort of sanity in my life was to have some me-time, then I would make sure I had a weekly date with myself, no matter what...

So, why don't we? My truth is that there can be a blur in our mind between real priorities and perceived priorities.
One good way I found to differentiate both is inspired by Stephen Covey's `Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' and `First things First'.
1- Look at the various roles you play in your life - Manager, Business Owner, Business development, Cook, Wife, Parent, Self etc. (Some of the roles could be linked together)
2- Write one line about your vision for this role - Ex: Wife: Loving, Healthy relationship and open Communication
3- Write 3 values that support this: Ex: Openness, Understanding, Harmony
4- Then look at your week, and use coloured pens to see how your time is allocated for each role. How much time is allocated for your Business Development if you are a business owner?
5- Take a new sheet of paper and design your ideal week, taking into account your vision and values for each role.
6- Commit to this ideal week, place it in a prominent place, use it as a template when scheduling your meetings.

Getting out of the pit

2009-11-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

Hi There,

In my last post, I spoke about the Valley of Death (or despair or desperation). Now, my question today is: What do we do when we are in there? And how do we get out?

When we are in this VOD or pit, we have a few choices (multiple choice is OK).
1- Kick and scream and feel sorry for ourselves
2- Close off inside this mental pit and... feel sorry for ourselves,
3- Reach out, ask for help while feeling sorry for ourselves
4- Acknowledge the situation, feel sorry for ourselves and then, decide and ACT on what we would do if we were not in the pit?

In my adventures through the pit, I went through every single one and have to admit that it's a gradual process before I can start seeing the surface... I sometimes like to use the metaphor of jumping in a (deep) pool... When we jump in, it takes a little time before our feet can reach the bottom during which kicking and screaming does not help... Once we reach the bottom, then one simple kick will propulse us back to the top...

3 words: Surrender, Pretend and ACT.

Surrender to whatever is happening to me and then pretend: What would I do if I was not in the pit? Who would I be speaking to? What actions would I be undertaking? As a great coach friend of mine once said: Period of Incubation? What's the opportunity there?

So, time to Surrender, Pretend and Act.

Valley of Death

2009-11-05T16:27:00.000-08:00

Hello,

This is my first post on this blog...

I have been humming and arring about creating this... Who would be interested? Then I decided to go for it... After all, it's about me sharing my thoughts and insights and perhaps, some readers out there may gain some benefit...

My name is Odile HBH Williams, I am a Transitions coach and Organisational Change consultant... My intention for this blog is to share my experience, insights, readings etc.

After a whole life of personal transitions (Born in Vietnam, Chinese family, left Vietnam towards the end of the Vietnam war, grew up in France, spent a large part of my professional life in Hong Kong and now settled with a young family in Australia), I find myself yet again in another transition...

I have been working at setting up my own business, working with my passion - Leadership, change management etc. for the last 4 years or so... Business has brought its ups and downs, mainly due to my lack of discipline in marketing myself... (Who said coaches had to do what they preached?).

So, whilst I am working myself back up, I thought I'd share some of the learnings that I am gaining on the way...

Learning for today:
Valley of Death... In every transition, change management process, we all think that once we've made the change (or when the change has been imposed on us... or has it?), we think that it's all going to be uphill from there...

Example: A new system is being implemented in an organisation... Everyone thinks that this is the Holy Grail and performance will sky rocket immediately. This isn't so... People need time to learn the system, adapt to it, get frustrated with it before adopting it fully. Hence this concept of Valley of Death (where performance decreases before it increases again).